Monday, March 21, 2011


This post really has no political significance, but explains why I bust on Arizona all the time.

I moved to Phoenix, Arizona almost sixteen years ago, having spent thirty-four years in the Philadelphia suburds, and more than eleven years working in the city of Philadelphia.

While there is a lot I miss about Philly, I do like Phoenix. Should my company ever offer a transfer back to Philadelphia, it would be a tough decision. Phoenix is a convenient city to live in - short commute, cheap housing, sparse traffic. It's like one big suburb.

But the local media has a real chip on their shoulder about comparing themselves to the big kids (NYC, LA, Chicago). They even started a pissing match with Philadelphia the year they passed Philly to become fifth largest. The Philly paper's pieces were all hysterical. The Phoenix paper's piece sounded like a kid crying he was gonna take his ball and go home.

In the latest piece of Phoenix media penis envy, this was posted Saturday on the local newspaper's web site. And trust me when I say, I am being generous calling it a "newspaper."

They wrote, "Mill Avenue businesses struggled even before the Great Recession, but one downtown Tempe strip is seeing so much traffic that it's on the verge of becoming the Valley's version of Times Square in New York."

And they posted this picture:

Can you believe the crowd? Why...that's THREE PEOPLE!

Have you ever been to Times Square? Have you ever seen a picture of it? I've been there in the middle of the night, and there are more people there than on this SATURDAY AFTERNOON WITH PERFECT WEATHER IN THE MIDDLE OF A COLLEGE TOWN!

There were more people in Times Square than this during the terrorist bomb-in-a-car scare. Not counting the police, FBI and ity personnel.

 In fact, if you pick the slowest moment on Times Square, there are more people there than on Mill Avenue at midnight on New Year's Eve.

Okay Airheadzona Repugnant, with your nickel and dime reporting staff, listen up and listen good:

Mill Avenue will NEVER be like Times Square.


If China gets pissed off that we can't pay our debt to them and drop a smart bomb right on the Kit Kat Club, there will still be more people people (albiet somewhat under the weather) left standing than have ever stood on Mill Avenue.

Even if all the cheerleaders at ASU lined the streets in their birthday suits and handed out free beers, massages with happy endings and second generation iPads, there would still be more people in Times Square if on the same day a blizzard hit NYC.

But that's okay. What makes Phoenix (and let's face it, Tempe IS part of Phoenix-these suburbs need to get a clue-they're suburbs!) is that it is NOT New York City. Everyone moved here to escape a northeastern or midwestern city. If we wanted to live in that environment again, we'd move back there!

So please, Phoenix, be at peace with your southwestern Sonoran desert charm, and embrace your "fifth largest city that's like a small town" ambience.

That's what makes you unique. That's why so many people moved here from somewhere else.

And we're staying. Whether we like it or not. Whether YOU like it or not.

But you're not gonna fool us with that "we're just like New York" bullshit.

If you want to read the original story, it's here.


  1. Well, I don't know about the cheerleader thing. I think that might be quite a draw on at least the male population. I mean that place would be bustling.

    Tossing It Out
    Twitter hashtag: #atozchallenge

  2. >>.....Even if all the cheerleaders at ASU lined the streets in their birthday suits and handed out free beers, massages with happy endings and second generation iPads, there would still be more people in Times Square if on the same day a blizzard hit NYC.

    That's true. But... I would be getting my free beer and an eyeful. Er... make that "two eyesful". (Why close one eye when there's so much to see?)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  3. I don't know if I'd count on that, Lee. Have ya ever been to Times Square? It draws a crowd...


  4. Stephen-

    Were you looking at those cheerleader pictures with lust in your heart?

    Ten Hail Mary's for you...

    Father DiscMan

  5. >>.....Ten Hail Mary's for you

    Only ten, father?
    Then I'm going back for a second look.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'


    WHITE HOT (and semi-topless) CHEERLEADERS

    This photo is for home computer viewing ONLY! Otherwise, you won't get any more work done today (even if you don't get fired).

    Incidentally, I want to make it clear that I do NOT approve of people posting pictures like the one above on the worldwide web.

    ...And that's why I NEVER post pictures like this! I might look at them, but I never post them. ...I mean, you've got to take a stand for morality and decency at some point! Right?

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    POSTSCRIPT: I probably really should explain - for the sake of others who might stumble upon this comment - why I was even aware of this photo, lest people get the wrong idea about me and think I'm routinely viewing this sort of material on The Web.

    After posting this bit on my own blog...

    ...I got to wondering if anything at all would come up if I Googled the name of that cheerleader whose picture I glued into my sketchbook in 1978 before adding my sarcastic, smart-alecky comment.

    I was somewhat surprised when not only did I get several returns on the search but found on a Playboy web page a larger version of the same '78 photo glued into my sketchbook. I guess the decades may pass, but the classics are never fully forgotten.

  7. Sure, Stephen...the only problem with the above explanation is that the link you sent still has you logged into Playboy Club Online....

    And it looks like you bought the Platinum Membership!


  8. Well... I have a lot expendable income.

    I have a mansion - forget the price.
    Ain't never been there; they tell me it's nice.

    And like John Lenin did, I own a herd of Hereford cattle solely for tax write-off purposes. And also like Lenin, I ain't never actually seen my cattle either.

    So, just because I have a Platinum Playboy Membership doesn't mean I ever visit the club or the website. (I'm not saying I don't. I'm just saying that the membership alone doesn't necessarily mean I have or do... twice daily.)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'