CITY OF WANNABEES

This post really has no political significance, but explains why I bust on Arizona all the time.

I moved to Phoenix, Arizona almost sixteen years ago, having spent thirty-four years in the Philadelphia suburds, and more than eleven years working in the city of Philadelphia.

While there is a lot I miss about Philly, I do like Phoenix. Should my company ever offer a transfer back to Philadelphia, it would be a tough decision. Phoenix is a convenient city to live in - short commute, cheap housing, sparse traffic. It's like one big suburb.

But the local media has a real chip on their shoulder about comparing themselves to the big kids (NYC, LA, Chicago). They even started a pissing match with Philadelphia the year they passed Philly to become fifth largest. The Philly paper's pieces were all hysterical. The Phoenix paper's piece sounded like a kid crying he was gonna take his ball and go home.

In the latest piece of Phoenix media penis envy, this was posted Saturday on the local newspaper's web site. And trust me when I say, I am being generous calling it a "newspaper."

They wrote, "Mill Avenue businesses struggled even before the Great Recession, but one downtown Tempe strip is seeing so much traffic that it's on the verge of becoming the Valley's version of Times Square in New York."

And they posted this picture:

Can you believe the crowd? Why...that's THREE PEOPLE!

Have you ever been to Times Square? Have you ever seen a picture of it? I've been there in the middle of the night, and there are more people there than on this SATURDAY AFTERNOON WITH PERFECT WEATHER IN THE MIDDLE OF A COLLEGE TOWN!

There were more people in Times Square than this during the terrorist bomb-in-a-car scare. Not counting the police, FBI and ity personnel.

 In fact, if you pick the slowest moment on Times Square, there are more people there than on Mill Avenue at midnight on New Year's Eve.

Okay Airheadzona Repugnant, with your nickel and dime reporting staff, listen up and listen good:

Mill Avenue will NEVER be like Times Square.

EVER.

If China gets pissed off that we can't pay our debt to them and drop a smart bomb right on the Kit Kat Club, there will still be more people people (albiet somewhat under the weather) left standing than have ever stood on Mill Avenue.

Even if all the cheerleaders at ASU lined the streets in their birthday suits and handed out free beers, massages with happy endings and second generation iPads, there would still be more people in Times Square if on the same day a blizzard hit NYC.

But that's okay. What makes Phoenix (and let's face it, Tempe IS part of Phoenix-these suburbs need to get a clue-they're suburbs!) is that it is NOT New York City. Everyone moved here to escape a northeastern or midwestern city. If we wanted to live in that environment again, we'd move back there!

So please, Phoenix, be at peace with your southwestern Sonoran desert charm, and embrace your "fifth largest city that's like a small town" ambience.

That's what makes you unique. That's why so many people moved here from somewhere else.

And we're staying. Whether we like it or not. Whether YOU like it or not.

But you're not gonna fool us with that "we're just like New York" bullshit.

If you want to read the original story, it's here.