CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT MILEY DID NOW?

I get it, America.

You've all stopped cheering because football players are injured and carried off the field, and put down your copies of 50 Shades Of Grey. 

Now you want to bemoan the loss of innocence of your favorite teeny-bopper idol and show your outrage that she's showing a little bit of skin and ditching that oh-so-cute Disney image now that she's twenty.

Yes, you'll read a series of books that focuses on bondage, but that doesn't mean you want to see skimpy outfits and suggestive tongue tricks at the video music awards!

After all, some hallmarks of American culture need to keep up their standards!

Oh right, I hear one of the dancers said she felt "less than human" during the risque display. The dancer in question was dressed as a stuffed animal, and felt that because she was a "little person" this was offensive. That did not stop her from cashing the check, I'll bet.

Okay, so Miley is celebrating her sexual awakening by dressing in slinky outfits and sticking her butt up in the air.

So what?

Haven't you already seen all this in Madonna videos a couple of decades ago?

Heck, unless you're Liam Hemsworth, how does it even affect you?

Liam got a tattoo in tandem with Miley that quoted Theodore Roosevelt, the quote starting on his arm and finishing on hers. 

Now he has to either have the tattoo removed or answer questions about it for the rest of his life.

And isn't the real issue here Miley's butchering of the English language? 

I may be beating our friend Jenny of Missed Periods And Other Grammar Scares to the punch here, but there is a line in her song "Get It Right" that needs a little bit of red ink on the lyric sheet.

I've been laying in this bed all night long
Don't you think it's time to get it on

Well, Miley, I think you mean you've been lying, not laying.

I know most people think lying is something politicians do, but we all do it every night when we sleep.

You may have been getting laid all night long, although if so, wouldn't the time to get it on have passed...and passed...and passed...?

In that scenario,  your boyfriend may have been doing the laying…and if he was, if you’d let me know if he ate anything special the evening before, I’d appreciate it.

Otherwise, laying should only be used with an object, so you could have been “laying your tired booty on that bed all night long."

So America can we all agree that Miley's escapades, albiet immature, are no more offensive than a typical MTV video or a prime time television show.

Furthermore, are we all in agreement that the real offense here is to the English tutors Miley was apparently not paying attention to all those years?